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5 Traits That Make a Healthy Friendship!

Good friendship is one of the most gratifying things in life, in fact a recent study in the journal of Personal Relationships show that close friendships correlate with good physical and emotional health. It’s a fact that when we feel loved and supported by good friends, that’s when we are the happiest and healthiest in life.

friends have fun together!

Yet sometimes we may struggle to have really satisfying friendships, or we wonder where the heck all of our friends went? In my life I have had many friends come and go; people change, interests change, you’re not the same as you were 10 years ago. The point is it’s totally normal to lose friends, that’s a part of life.

Nevertheless, how can you build friendships that stand the test of time, build you up, make you laugh, and keep you feeling loved? Check out these 5 traits that build strong lasting friendships!

Be a good listener.

This is seriously my pet peeve (and why I listed it first), good friendship requires being a good listener, you can’t do all the talking! Ask questions and truly LISTEN to the answers, let your friend vent their frustrations, fears, feelings, worries, and show your interest by nodding and maintaining eye contact.

While there speaking don’t be thinking of what you’re going to say next (trust me we’ve all done it), but stay present and genuinely interested in them. When they’re finished speaking don’t jump into a story about yourself, but stay focused on them by following it up with more questions to bring them out, this will show that you are genuinely interested and care about them.

Evaluate how good of a listener you are by asking yourself, how much do I know about my friend? What was their childhood like? How many siblings do they have? What are their biggest fears and worries? Do you know the answers? If not you may need to work on your listening skills =).

Be a giver, not a taker!

This is a big one and sadly theirs a lot of takers out there. You know who they are; you probably have some in your life whether it be friends or even family members. They’re always in need either emotionally or physically, and your relationship consists of you doing things for them. Don’t expect them to be there for you when you’re in need because they will disappoint you, big time. If you recognize this characteristic in others and hate it (like I do), don’t do this in your friendships! I once had a friend like this, and our friendship didn’t last beyond a year because I was tired of being used.

One of the definitions of “love” is: giving, and self-sacrifice. Think of friendship like a love exchange, in any relationship there should be equal amounts of giving and taking, but it has to be 50/50. What you put into the relationship, you get back. Anything less and someone in the relationship is being used.

You can have more than one best friend. 

We’re not in elementary school anymore, so it’s totally okay to have more than one best friend. Even the bestest of friends should encourage you to make new friends, and try new things without them. As we age and diversify in our life, so do our friendships. I have several best friends, and I love them all for their own qualities, they fill a unique purpose in my life and I hope I reciprocate that for them.

A healthy friendship means you spend time apart, and you have your own identity without them. You would never get jealous or resentful that they were spending time with other friends, it’s important to do things separately, and this leads us to the next point.

friends and sisters

Respect each other’s boundaries. 

When you have a healthy friendship, everything feels right in the relationship for both parties involved. That means that neither friend is yearning for more time together, or being clingy towards the other. Good friends know where the boundaries lie, and don’t cross them.

It’s not too late to apply the boundaries; here are a few ways to do this:

  • Respect your friends’ time! If you make a plan with a friend, be there and follow through, don’t leave them waiting at the coffee shop where you planned to meet, their time is valuable!
  • You don’t have to tell your friends everything, and neither do they! You probably have certain friends that know every little secret about you, and others that don’t, and that’s totally okay! If a friend tries to pry and you don’t feel comfortable spilling the beans, be open, upfront (yet tactful), and explain that you don’t feel comfortable talking about it. Neither would you pressure a friend to tell you something they’re not comfortable with.
  • Reevaluate friendships where you feel used! Speaking of the so-called friends that emotionally and physically exhaust you, if you’re the one always giving in the relationship, it might be time to reevaluate the friendship to determine how much value it’s adding to your life.
  • Respect their differences! Your friend isn’t going to be a carbon copy of you, after all that would be no fun, so respect their differences and beliefs.

Trust each other.

Loyalty is hard to come by in the world we live in today, but it’s one of the most important requirements for a healthy friendship. In the past I’ve learned this one the hard way, and unfortunately have lost friendships over it, yet you live and you learn to become a better person.

An important way to show loyalty is by reigning in your tongue. If you’re a loyal friend you won’t talk behind your friends back by telling others their secrets, or stories without their permission. When you have trust in your relationship, you feel comfortable sharing your feelings and secrets because you know your friend won’t gossip about it, or throw it back in your face.

When speaking about my friends to others, I always imagine that they are there with me while I’m talking about them. I ask myself, would I say this straight to their face? Or would they be okay with what I said if it was repeated to them later? This keeps me in check, and reminds me of my unconditional loyalty to them.

Want to learn more about making stronger more meaningful friendships? Check out Frientimacy, this awesome book lays out strategies for creating deeper more supportive friendships.

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Why you should eat a plant based diet, but you don’t necessarily have to a vegan!

A plant based diet is all the rage right now and thats because people are sick and tired, of being sick and tired!  I hate to call being plant based a “diet” because it’s not one of those “fad diets” that many people will try in the hopes of dropping weight, but then fail to make it stick.  Eating plant based is a lifestyle, one we should all live by that gives lasting results.  Yet many people are hesitant to go plant based because they don’t want to give up meat, or are tentative to make the full on switch to a vegetarian or vegan diet.  I totally get it, Ive been there!

Personally I am not a vegetarian or vegan, I confess I eat meat and dairy products every now and then.  I would say I am 90% plant based, and I’m totally ok with that for now.  My goal is to eventually be fully plant based, but I’m taking my time, and listening to my body.  The more I eat plant based and substitute whole foods for meat and dairy, the better I feel.  Ive maintained a healthy weight, have a ton of energy, my skin is clearer, and overall I feel great!

So what is a plant based diet?

A plant based diet emphasizes whole or minimally processed foods. This includes vegetables and fruits, whole grains, nuts, seeds, and legumes.  A plant based diet avoids or limits animal products, including chicken, fish and dairy products.  In addition avoiding refined foods, such as added sugars, processed oil and white flour.

Is eating meat really bad for you?

Just recently the World Health Organization shocked the world when it announced that processed meats were a carcinogen, and consumption of it will lead to cancer.  However, this goes beyond just processed meats.  There is a ton of evidence proving that eating all kinds of animal products (including chicken and fish) is bad for you!  Studies have shown it increases your chance for heart disease, cancer, diabetes, Alzheimers, dementia, and the list goes on.

I wont go into all the deets, but If your really interested in the science behind it all, you have to read the book “how not to die” by Michael Greger MD.  I cannot recommend this book enough, its mind blowing!

Baby steps towards becoming plant based

Good news, it doesn’t have to be all or nothing when it comes to eating animal products.  Cutting back on your meat consumption (even just a little), will cut your health risk down.  Take baby steps towards eliminating meat and focus on substitution rather then elimination.  Sometimes when we focus on what were missing, its so much harder then just focusing on what were adding!  Start by adding more fruits, vegetables and whole grains to your current diet.

Unlike the typical American diet that makes meat the main dish, try making whole plant based foods the main dish, and having a small portion of meat on the side.  Take your favorite recipes and substitute the meat for a plant based option.  For example, I took my favorite chicken enchilada recipe and made it a black bean quinoa enchilada, and my beef lasagna became a vegetable lasagna.  Believe me this, I do not miss the meat at all!  In fact my husband (a renowned carnivore), likes the enchiladas better meatless!  Another option is to only eat one meal a day that includes meat.  Have a small portion of meat at lunch, and go meatless for breakfast and dinner.

What ever baby steps you take towards going plant based, once you start it will get easier and easier.  The best thing about eating whole plant based foods, is you can eat as much as you want, with no calorie counting!  Just eat real food, mostly plants, and indulge guilt free!

Do you feel tired all the time, get sick a lot, and cant seem to lose weight? Check out:  8 signs you need a gut reboot!

Are you trying to go plant based? If you have any questions or would like to share your experience, please comment below.  I would love to hear from you!

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Seriously The Best Enchiladas!

 

I have been making these babies for years, and every time I do, they seriously get better and better!  My enchiladas are my husbands favorite, so I make them at least once a month.  In the past I would make them with shredded chicken, but slowly they morphed towards vegetarian.   Either way they taste delicious, but I encourage you to try it without the meat because it does not need it!   Also the home made sauce makes a huge difference in the taste, so don’t be lazy and use store bought sauce =).

Since I have made these enchiladas hundreds of times, I don’t really follow a recipe anymore, so I apologize if I’m not as precise in my descriptions.  Honestly, you can’t mess them up, so just eyeball the rice, beans, and cheese.  I love to hear from you, so let me know how you liked them in your comments below.

Sauce Ingredients:

  • 4 TBSP Vegetable oil
  • 4 TBSP Flour
  • 8 TBSP Chili Powder
  • 1 TSP Garlic Powder
  • 1/2 TSP Salt
  • 1/2 TSP Cumin
  • 1/2 TSP Oregano
  • 4 Cups chicken broth (or substitute Vegetable broth)

Instructions for the sauce:

  • Heat oil in a saucepan on medium heat,  add flour and stir.
  • Add remaining seasonings while continuously stirring.
  • Add chicken/Vegetable broth, then whisk all clumps out.
  • Reduce heat and let simmer for 10-15 minutes.

Enchilada Ingredients

  • Flour tortillas (I prefer Tortilla Land uncooked tortillas, there the bomb!)
  • Black beans (1 can)
  • Pinto beans (1 can)
  • Organic corn (1 can)
  • Small onion (chopped)
  • Red pepper (chopped)
  • Diced Garlic (1 TBSP)
  • Cheddar cheese (vegan cheese if needed)
  • Sour cream (optional)
  • Cilantro (optional)
  • Sliced Avocado (optional)
  • Brown rice (I prefer Jasmine Brown Rice, if you haven’t tried it, its amazing)
  • Quinoa

Instructions for the enchiladas:

  • Preheat oven to 375º
  • Make a batch of brown rice and quinoa in your rice cooker, or on the stove top and set aside.
  • Dice the onions and peppers and sautee them in a little olive oil, add the garlic and let simmer for 3 minutes.  Add black beans, pinto beans, and corn,  and cook till heated.
  • If your using uncooked tortillas, make sure to lightly cook before stuffing them.  Add a couple spoon fulls of enchilada sauce to the bottom of a caserole dish so the enchiladas don’t stick to the bottom.
  • Take a flour tortilla and add about 1/2 a cup of the bean mixture, and 1/4 cup of the rice, and top with a sprinkle of cheese.  Fold the tortilla and layer in a caserole dish.  Do this until you have filled the whole dish, or you run out of ingredients.
  • Generously spoon the enchilada sauce all over the enchiladas.  Top with a sprinkling of cheese.  Bake for about 25 minutes.
  • Carefully remove the dish from the oven, top each serving with a dollop of sour cream, sliced avocado and cilantro.

Enjoy!

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8 Signs You Need a Gut Reboot!

Centuries ago the Greek Physician Hippocrates once said “all disease begins in the gut”, what a wise man he was.  Of course, not ALL disease begins in the gut, however, there is a ton of evidence that many chronic diseases do in fact begin in the gut!  Many scientists, doctors and researchers are now seeing how important gut health is to your overall health.

Now i’m definitely no expert, but I completely believe in the old saying “if you eat good, you feel good”.  Because the gut is so connected to other parts of your body, including; your brain, immune system, and other organs, there are distinguishing symptoms implying that your gut needs a reboot.  Here is what to look for:

  • You cant seem to lose weight.  

Do you workout and eat healthy but still seem to struggle with your weight especially around the midline?  Your gut bacteria can influence your metabolism, food cravings and how many calories your body absorbs from the food you eat, making it harder to lose weight and keep it off.

  • You get sick all the time.

You have probably heard this before, but most of your immune system is in your gut.  So if your gut is off balance, you’re going to be more susceptible to getting sick.  Instead of reaching for medications to fight off a cold, you want to boost your immunity by working on your gut health.

  • You’re constantly tired and have a lack of focus.

This is a pretty complex issue, but the short explanation is: it’s your guts job to digest the food and break it down for energy.  So if your gut is imbalanced, you may not be getting the energy you need from  the food you’re eating, causing you to feel tired all the time.  The Real Reason your so Tired all the Time explains the top 3 reasons for being exhausted 24/7.

  • Break outs, skin rashes or eczema.

The skin is the largest organ in the body, so if your skin is going crazy, thats usually a sign of whats happening in your gut.  You may have noticed that when you eat well, your skin is glowing.  Yet when you eat junk food, it shows all over your face.  This is a clear sign your skin is affected by your gut health.

  • You feel anxious, moody, or depressed.

Serotonin is a neurotransmitter that sends signals from one part of the brain to the other, and it’s important in regulating your mood.  However, did you know serotonin is actually located in your gut?  No wonder the gut is known as “the second brain”.  Whether you’re feeling anxious, depressed, moody, or just straight up meh, your gut is to blame!

  • You’re bloated, constipated or gassy.

Ok this one is pretty obvious, digestion issues like bloating, constipation and gas is definitely linked to gut heath.  But instead of just treating these issues with medications, get to the root of the problem and heal your gut!

  • You have arthritis or joint pain.

This one came as a surprise to me, but it makes sense that arthritis: a painful inflammation and stiffness in the joints, would be caused by “the not so good gut bacteria”.  In fact just in the last couple years there has been a ton of research on this subject.  Functional medicine pioneer Dr. Susan Blum said about healing from arthritis, “taking time to dig deeper for systemic imbalances that could potentially contribute to a patient’s pain symptoms — and for many, the gut is the best place to start”.  Check out her research  “To treat arthritis, first heal the gut” to learn more about it.

I think it’s safe to say, if you’re having any of these issues your gut may be to blame!  I would love to hear from you, please comment below with any questions or comments.

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How to prevent bladder and kidney stones in your canine!

Shitzu dog cure bladder stones

My dog Cupcake has struggled with bladder stones since she was 4 years old.  She’s a shitzu/Bichon and unfortunately both of those breeds are predisposed to Calcium Oxalate crystals and stones, as are several more breeds.  There are many types of bladder stones, so please do your research and consult  your veterinarian before making any type of diet change.

For years Cupcake was on Science Diet C/D formula to prevent stone occurence.  However, as she was getting older, despite being on a strict diet, she was having bouts of stones that had to be treated with Science Diet S/D canned food.

After she would be on the diet for a month or two, she would pass the stones and the vet would recommend her going back on the C/D formula.  We did this many, many times, and still she would struggle with stones.

What I didn’t understand was why, even though she was on a strict diet was she still having recurring stones?  Well thats when I decided to dive in and do my research to understand these pesky little stones that can reek havoc!

What you need to know about Calcium Oxalate Stones

Any breed can be affected, but there are certain types that are predisposed.  Dogs that are fed kibble, or dehydrated processed food (which is the majority of dog foods out there), will develop stones.  Kibble causes the dogs pH levels to become acidic over time, and it makes there urine more concentrated, which increases there chance for stones.

For the longest time I knew my dogs kibble was causing her stones.  I honestly was just too scared to change it, because I was worried she wouldn’t be able to handle the change.  What if she ended up needing surgery, or worse case scenario, went into kidney failure!  Yet I couldn’t keep feeding her crappy dehydrated food, and be in and out of the vet to treat her stones.

How to prevent stones

No matter what breed of dog, switching from kibble to a natural raw or a cooked diet is the BEST way to prevent stones!  However, its important you do this gradually!  Do not just switch it all at once, for Cupcake I introduced the food a little at a time, 1/4 of the new food with 3/4 kibble.  Then I slowly increased the new food and decreased the kibble, till all she was eating was healthy nutritious food.

Instead of buying the expensive raw food, I decided to make my own food, that way I knew exactly what was going in it.  Check out:  What I Feed My Dog to Prevent Bladder Stones!  I know, it may sound like a pain in the butt to cook a grand meal for your dog.  However, trust me its not that bad!  Make a big batch and freeze it, and it will last a few weeks, and the more you do it, the easier it gets!

Make sure to add a couple tablespoons of water to the food before serving, this way the food is moister, and your dog is getting as much water as possible.

Just as a preventative I purchased some urine testing strips so that I could check Cupcake’s urine periodically for a urinary tract infection, or protein in her urine, which is a telling sign of kidney failure.  Every time I tested, it came back with normal levels which eased my mind.

My Cupcake has been stone free now for almost a year, and it’s all because of a change to a natural diet and not eating junk processed kibble.  Just like humans, most diseases can be cured with a balanced plant based diet.  If you want to learn more about whats in dog food and how bad it is, check out the movie on Netflix called “Pet Fooled”, its an eye opener!

If you have any questions about this article or are experiencing the same problems with your beloved fur babies, I would love to hear your comments below.